I haven't been up this early without an alarm in God only knows how long...

So, I'll just blog to pass the time until it's time for my morning run.

Guess this first thing on my mind is my nasty habit of picking up the phone, having a 5 minute conversation and not recalling it when I wake up in the morning. I vaguely recall hanging up the phone and wondering why it was up against my ear and wondering why it was there in the first place. Guess the Lunesta people were serious about those side-effects:

"Walking, eating, driving or engaging in other activities while asleep without remembering it the next day have been reported. Other abnormal behaviors include aggressiveness, agitation, hallucinations and confusion."

So..... if any of you have been wondering why I sound so silly in the middle of the night, now you know know why. I'm trying to do something about my insomnia and a prescription sleep aid is one of the things I'm trying. I'm still trying to figure out if it's working for me.

A letter to the wicked

Leap not into temption. Forget not that others have feelings. ...And, above all else, grow some balls.

thank you. that is all

Just got this funny email from my aunt and thought I'd share. enjoy!

Especial para los momentos de Crisis que vivimos... El Comité Central Mundial de la salud, anuncia que para resistir la crisis económica

que nos afecta tanto a nivel nacional

como internacional,

debera aplicarse la dieta del

AJO y AGUA:


AJOderse y AGUAntarse.

Something I wrote for the paper right after the supreme court decision

I woke up late that Tuesday morning when the Supreme Court ruling was due.

I knew when I woke that the decision had already come out or was due any minute but I made myself quietly reflect.

I reminded myself that no matter what the ruling or what the rhetoric said, I would always be an American and would, consequently, be owed the same rights as any other American.

After reflecting for what seemed like hours, but was only minutes, I turned on my phone.

There they were: about 20 tweets and another 20 text messages from friends and acquaintances regarding the decision.

Proposition 8 was upheld, defining marriage in the state of California as the union between one man and one woman.

I was disappointed.

By no means, however, was I surprised.

This great country of ours is not without faults.

We have come very far in terms of civil rights, but that road has been rocky, to say the least.

It seems that the electorate has to learn the same lesson over and over again.

At some point, you would think we would get it right and suddenly see all the injustices in this country and fix.

That would be great.

Democracy, however, is never that simple.

Our particular brand of it seems to be innately imbued with conflict.

All the great advancements we have made as a country have come after great struggles on behalf of both sides.

The greatest injustices and inequalities have been righted after much unrest and strife, which begs the questions:

Would we value and honor these advancements so much if we came by them easily?

Would we devote an entire month to African American History if we did not realize that these people had to suffer under codified bondage, discrimination and second-class citizenship?

Would we even bother to mention women’s suffrage if those brave woman had not fought for it?

We probably would not.

Twice Californians have put my rights on a ballot and decided that I am not as good as a heterosexual.

Once, the court upheld equality and gave me the rights afforded even to felons in this country, but this time they have not.

Obviously, the California Supreme Court has lost their judicial cojones.

Instead of interpreting the law of the land as it is written, they allowed themselves to be swayed by the gall of these so-called protectors of traditional marriage.

Maybe the California Supreme Court may have forgotten the equal protections clause or the 14^th amendment, but obviously increasing number of Californians have not.

In 2000, 61 percent of the California electorate stood against marriage equality.

Just eight years later, the newer generation passed another law, doing the same thing.

This time, however, only 52 percent voted in favor of it.

To some, this may be depressing.

In my case, it is hope-inspiring.

Forty eight percent stood up for marriage equality and, even though the court upheld the other 52’s discriminatory voting practices, thousands of loving, committed couples get to stay together.

That is the silver lining, but we must also face the truth.

Today, I sit at this desk a California-born, gay, Latino male - A man with dreams, aspirations, faults, secrets and accomplishments.

I am much like any other guy or girl in this state, with one glaring and painful difference:

As it stands now, I have been deemed not good enough to marry.

I want you to know me.

I am not just a statistic or a character in an after-school special.

I am a person, made of flesh and blood, born in this country brave and the mostly free.

I want you to know me so that next time you vote on this you know at least one of the names of the people whose lives your changing with that ballot.

It is not just an idea or a space on a ballot.

It is part of people’s lives.

Californians’ lives.

My life.

There's a reason people watch television

.... and that reason is simple: TV mirrors life. At least good TV does.

I've been watching QaF. First it was just season 1 (I have the box set). Then, I was watching season 2 online and getting george to lend me his season 3 box set. As I was getting ready to watch season 4 online, I realised that my desire to watch this entire series went far beyond just catching up on it. I realised that it was just my own odd form of therapy. I could see myself in the characters because, for once, they were just like me. It's odd how comforting it can be to see a gay drama (especially when I can just head to a bar and watch it live). I watched as they got in and out of relationships, acted like total sluts and were entirely inappropriate. Most of all, I singled in on the remantic aspects of their lives. I'll admit that a small part of me - ok, a big part of me - took comfort in the fact that other people, however fictional they may be, had the same, if not worse, relationship problems. I had one of those epiphanies. I am SUCH a guy. Such a stereotypical man, especially when it comes to romance. I was talking to this about George, and I've been discussing it with various people. I keep on falling into the same traps. I keep on falling for the same guys. I don't just compartmentalize myself. I compartmentalize others. It's like I pick a quality that I've decided to look for. If it isn't just plain looks, it's sense of humor or wit. What's worse is that I've developed a perverse appetite for the chase. The more beautiful or successful or more out of my league a guy seems, the more I want him. It's a fucking aphrodisiac to me these days. That'd be fine if I weren't actually getting what I want, but this D-list romeo's getting too good at the game. The last two wer.... disasters. I still feel guilty about them. He ignored me, I won him over, got bored, he fell "in love" and I broke his heart. AND I thought I liked him, realised WAY too late that I didn't and then was way too much of a coward to talk to him about it till just the other day. That's a little too much guilt for me to cope with. So, why am I telling all (and by all I mean the 5 people that will actually take the time to read this) of you? I don't know. I guess I'm acknowledging that I have a problem. That is the first step, after all. I'm acknowledging my shortcoming and making an effort to improve. Perhaps one of you has a similar problem and will find solace in this:

Hello, My name's Arnold and I've forgotten how to love.

WAY overdue

I hadn't been able to post lately because of the stupid finger surgery and then class, etc. So.....

El Día de San Valentín: So, I'm up at 4 in the morning after Vantine's Day. Why, you ask? Sugar high. I've been eating sweets nonstop and that's OK. :-) I went to the movies with the fam this evening and it was great. My sister went off with her boyfriend and my mom, dad and I went to see Taken. Now, I say my dad went with us bet he just slept through the whole movie. So..... I basically spent Valentine's Day with my mommy. You may say sad..... I say perfect. We laughed, we gasped, we cried, we ate tons of popcorn and candy. It was FABULOUS. 

This week was kinda fun. I got my stitches taken out and now I just have to wear a splint most of the time. I can take it off to choser and it's much smaller than the BIG cast I had before. I can wear long sleeve shirts again! Wooo! Class was fun too. Today, I submitted my first article as a staff writer to the school newspaper. Let's see..... what else.... oh! I started working out again. I'm taking a cross country conditioning class in an effort to try to get back into marathon running shape. I'm excited and VERY sore. That, combined with the swim workout class ill be taking from march to june should ensure that I have a rockin' summer bod :-)

Dear Arnoldo, Anti-equality groups are currently flooding the Capitol with threatening phone calls demanding members of the Senate and Assembly Judiciary committees oppose the two resolutions to overturn Prop 8 when they come up for a vote on Tuesday. We cannot let their attacks and threats go unanswered! We need to make sure that legislators hear from those who support equality. Please call key members of the Senate and Assembly Judiciary Committeeswho have supported LGBT equality in the past (sample script and phone numbers are below). Ask them to support the resolutions to overturn Prop 8 to protect all minorities from the risk of losing their rights at the ballot box. If passed, the two EQCA-sponsored resolutions, SR 7 and HR 5, authored by two of our champions in the Legislature, Senator Mark Leno and Assemblymember Tom Ammiano, will put the California Legislature on record as supporting the invalidation of Prop 8, declaring it an illegal revision to the state constitution. This is our fourth of five actions leading up to our giant lobby day to overturn Prop 8 on Tuesday, the day of the vote, when over 2,000 activists will come together at the Capitol to urge their lawmakers to support these critical resolutions. Take Action Today! Call Now! In solidarity, Geoff Kors Executive Director Equality California   Sample Script Thank you for past support for equality.  My name is [Your Name] and I am calling to ask for you to vote in favor of SR 7 / HR 5 because Prop 8 is a drastic and radical revision to the California Constitution that puts all Californians at risk. I believe in equal protection under the law and do not want a simple majority of voters to be able to take fundamental rights away from any minority. Thank you. [Your Name] If you live in Northern California, please call: Senate Judiciary Committee members (for SR 7) Senator Ellen Corbett, chair: (916) 651-4010 Senator Dean Florez: (916) 651-4016 Assembly Judiciary Committee members (for HR 5) Assembly Member Noreen Evans: (916) 319-2007 If you like in the Central Valley, please call: Senate Judiciary Committee members (for SR 7) Senator Ellen Corbett, chair: (916) 651-4010 Senator Dean Florez: (916) 651-4016 Assembly Judiciary Committee members (for HR 5) Assembly Member Dave Jones: (916) 319-2009 Assembly Member William W. Monning: (916) 319-2027 If you live in Southern California, please call: Assembly Judiciary Committee members (for HR 5) Assembly Member Mike Feuer, chair: (916) 319-2042 Assembly Member Julia Brownley: (916) 319-2041 Assembly Member Paul Krekorian: (916) 319-2043 Assembly Member Ted W. Lieu: (916) 319-2053

Equality California is dedicated to achieving equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) Californians. Our work depends on individual financial contributions. Donate now using our secure website or download a donation form to send via fax or mail. Donations to EQCA support our political work and are therefore not tax-deductible as charitable contributions. This email was sent to almambulante@gmail.com  Contact EQCA  Privacy Policy EQCA Home

Homophobic A$$HOLE

I had a perfectly fine night with my boyfriend and a couple of our friends till the end of our meal at Denny's. He and I were  hugging to keep warm (it was cold near the door) while we waited for our friends to finish paying when a homophobe waiting to be seated did that idiotic "*cough* faggots" thing. I swear, it took all my will power to not spit in his face. I called him a biggot, a homophobe and a klan member (my boyfriend cussed at him) and we left.  We then found a yes on 8 lawn sign in the parking lot. Honestly, what's wrong these people. Is it not enough to them that they voted me into second class citizen status?! DO they have to ruin my night too. I know some of you may be tempted to say "Well, you shouldn't have been hugging in public." Don't even go there. That's a double standard. Straight couples hug in public all the time and it's considered cute. They may not like that I embrace the way my creator made me but that gives them no right to be so hateful. I don't go around insulting people just because I don't like them. The more I think about this and vent, the more that i realise that I'm not angry anymore. I feel pity for that pathetic little man that was SO affected by our mild display of affection. I pity him because he thinks insulting others will make him feel better of himself. Most of all, I pity him because he was short, fat, and had a receding hair line. :-)

Uterus

Yeah, I don't have one but it seems that somehow what I think and what other members of my side of the species think somehow has weight on what women do with theirs. Weird, huh? I was thinking about this today as I was starting my last final of the semester. I wanted to write it down before I forgot what it again. 

First of all, I want to praise all women that choose to have a child. They are the ones that carry the enormous weight of propogating the species and that's pretty cool. 

I was thinking about issues of morality and how I feel about things in regards to life and death and pregnancy. I have always been officially on the side of prochoice but I was never quite sure why. I guess it was just a gut feeling but I think I figured it out.

Let's face it, our society condones specific types of murder. We have war and the death penalty. No matter what you say about the reasons or the justifications, murder is murder.  We have, as a society, legitimized them. 

One thing we cant seem to agree on is if abortion should be allowed or if it should even be considered murder. At first, I bought into all of the arguments that say that a fetus is not actually a life for a period of time. Ins ome ways, those arguments do make sense. For a period of time, this organism growing and organizing itself in a womb is nothing more than a cluster of cells with no thoughts or consciousness. How do we know when that changes, though? We kill cells all the time by drinking too much or doing something else unhealthy. Heck, we can cut a piece of skin off and that is cellular murder. When does that pivotal change happen that gives this organism the necessary consciousness to truly experience the pain of death as a human does. When does it feel the agony of abortion? Why is this so wrong if the body seems to do it on a whim. It is basic knowledge that a woman's body will give priority to the woman's life if it has to choose between the two. I think that's something we can all agree on. If a woman's life is in danger, we should terminate a pregnancy. However, the woan's right to do it whenever she chooses is something I'm struggling with. Part of me wants to say that it is her body and she should be able to do with it as she pleases but another part reminds me that this creature inside the woman might actually be a tiny human being, capable of pain. I guess what I'm saying is that I can't even decide and it will never be my burden. I can't imagine ever having to contemplate this with the weight of real consequences hanging over my head. 

Then again..... I'm tempted to go down another train of logic. Nature has its own rules. These rules, call them divine animal law, are pretty simple. Animals exhist to live as long as they can so that they can pass down as much of their DNA as they can. Some animals can ovulate voluntarily while others can abort fetuses simply by willing it. It seems that in the animal world, you have to look out for number one. Whether that means eating or surviving by removing a predator or a pregnancy, it can involve some form of murder. 

Human beings, however, are special kinds of animals. We reject so much of the natural world. We've abandoned natural selection, some of us are actually vegetarians and we do things that animals would never do. That's not to say we have completely abandoned this "divine animal law". The question is, how much and which parts of this do we want to hold onto?

Postscript: I'm still going to support the prochoice agenda until I can definitively decide otherwise. 

I just finished one final and was thinking about all the things I would be able to do now that the break was upon me and everyone I cared about was ot otherwise occupied with school. So, for those of you that will be in the area this winter break:

What're your plans? Let's hang out. Who's going to HATW/Alumni Luncheon at CAMS next week. Let's meet up, beezies.

FUNNY VIDEO

Y'all are invited!

Hosted By: queer elac
When: Saturday Dec 13, 2008
at 9:00 PM
Where Art Share LA
801 East 4th Pl.
Los Angeles, California, 90013
United States
Description:
queer elac

Click Here To View Event on MySpace
Click Here To View Event on Facebook

Predictable in a perfect way

I had an amazing weekend.

Thanksgiving: I spent the day with family. Drank wine with my parents, ate tons of food and then went out to this mini party where I met a few new people and reconnected with some people I'd met before. You know what? It was tons of fun. Nothing extraordinary happened. We sat around and talked/told jokes for the whole night. It wasn't even really a party because we didn't have music playing and no one was drinking. (Ok, I guess we were just hanging out but it's just easier to say it was a "party.") Anyway, It was a good night.

Black Friday: I decided that I would not partake in Black Friday shopping. Honestly, I'm so over all this present crap. I know I've been saying this for a couple of years now, but I mean it this year. I don't want anyone to feel like they need to buy me a present because, honestly, they don't. If it makes you happy, then by all means do so (I'm a size 11.5 shoe, 28Wx32L, s or xs shirt). All I want for Christmas is not some dvd; it's not even my two front teeth. What I want for Christmas is time with the people I care about. Let's go watch a movie or to a park or to an ice skating rink. Let's have finner or play or a board game. I really don't care. DVDs get scratched, cars get totaled, wool sweaters shrink, but people tend to last a little longer.

......which brings me to the next portion.

Family: I know I was seperating this by days but, you know what, this is my blog. I make the rules and these rules say I can change the categories on a whim. After spending a day in my pajamas, I went to the movies with my family. We saw Twilight and Four Christmases. Twilight was absolutely adorable. I loved it. It was everything I thought it would be. Four Christmases was a pleasant surprise, however. The movie was very honest, I thought. It dealt with a lot of the issues that I think I'll be dealing with in the next decade. Without getting into too much detail, it was a good movie. My family and I enjoyed the movies and then discussed them over a nice dinner.

Saturday: I spent more than FIVE HOURS at school working editting and laying out the page that I'm responsible for in the J101 edition of the school newspaper. I know I like to say that I hate school and that I would much rather be home.... but I had fun. I totally get along with the staff and would honestly love working for the newspaper. I really feel like I would fit in there. When we were done for the day, I headed home for a while before going out with Cierra. We went to the movies where we saw Role Models. FUUUUUUUUUUUN-NY. I could not stop laughing during that movie and I totally enjoyed hanging out with Cierra. Near the end of the movie, Edgar texted me to ask me if I wanted to go Rage. Soooooo, I went. I <3 Rage. Got to dance the night away and spend some time with one of my favorite mo's.

Today was just kinda boring. I woke up at 3 pm and worked on my article for a couple hours and then I realised that the UC application was due today. I scrambled onto the website and started to work on it. I took a few carefully planned breaks and even ate dindin with the fam. I was feeling pretty good at 11:45 because I had just finished writing my last personal statment. Then, IT happened. My computer froze. The screen just froze when I tried to go to the next screen. I had finished everything and now the screen had frozen right before I could actually submit it. I scrambled onto myt desktop computer and quickly redid the essay portion of the application and submitted it as fast as I could but, between switching computers and rewriting the essays from memory, I didn't "officially" submit it till 12:01. Moral of the story: Don't put it off till the last minute. I just hope they still take it because I was logged onto the system before midnight. I don't know. I'll call in tomorrow and ask. For now, I'm.... I don't think I'll sleep now. I have to be up a little earlier than usual in order to catch the bus. At this point, It'd just be easier for me to stay awake until then and drink a redline at noon when I'll get SUPER sleepy. I guess I'll just write my opinion piece for the newspaper in the meantime. I should be able to get it done by 6.

Four years ago

According to myspace, it has been four years, to the day, since I signed up. It's a bit of an odd anniversary. So much has changed in that time; I've grown over a foot, become a [mostly] confident gay man, gotten closer to God, had many men in my life, seen friends come and go, and completely changed my mind about my future. If I'd sat next to myself four years ago as I am today, I would not see the resemblance. I feel like I'm a totally different person. Luckily, I've held on to the good qualities (and perhaps adopted some new bad ones). I really like who I'm becoming. The future seems bright and I'm just so damn excited. There are so many things I want to do with my life and I feel like it's right there, waiting for me in the not-so-distant future. I've gotten to see my little sister blossom into a beautiful young woman, the marriages of two of my aunts and the births of my beautiful baby cousins.

Before I get too mushy and start quoting some cliché poem, I'm going to get to the point: We all change so much in 4 years time. We become different people.... or maybe that's just me. How have y'all changed? Where did you think you'd be by today? Did that pan out?

Got a bad case of the warm and fuzies

On this holiday, I always try to remember all the people I'm thankful for. Things come and go, rights come and go but good people have a way of enduring:

Rachel. I cannot even begin to thank you. You're a big part of who I am today. If it weren't for your friendship and kind heart in those early years of high school, I might not be anywhere close to the person I am today. You make me hopeful. You make me think that people can be loving toward each other without prejudice. I owe you so much. I know that I really wasn't around for your birthday but I promise you that I'll make it up to you as soon as I can. Belated birthday dinner? Let me know what works best for you.

Amy. You're always happy for me no matter what's going on in your life. You are always there for me when I need to dish out the gossip or complain about something. I love that I even though I don't see you all the time, we can pick up where we left off at a moment's notice.

Erin. You're always ready to share in my anger, my spite, my jealousy. The proverb about misery loving company is SO true for us. haahaha. But really, you have a way of fighting most my battles for me and I love it. At the drop of a hat, you're there.

Alyssa. You listen to my ranting and act interested. See, most humans would just hang up or falll asleep but you listen and.... oddly enough, you seem to enjoy it. You're weird. That's ok, though. Normal, well-adjusted people creep me out.

Federico. You are so weird and quirky. In case I haven't said it enough yet: My life would be so boring without you. I love our random adventures. A couple hours with you on the town with you is way better than months of therapy. Seriously, I need to get my HMO to pay you.

I also want to thank all of the rest of you that have touched my life. I've been blessed to have so many good people in my life. A couple weeks ago I was actually depressed because I felt like all my friends had turned on me and said "I love you but you can't get married" when I realised that I have so many OTHER friends. I have SOOO many quality friends in my life. Honestly, it took a second for me to sit back and realise that I have WAY more than most people. I've been blessed to know so many people from so many walks of life and I simply couldn't be more thankful.

I hope all of you have a great Thanksgiving. :]

The blog with no name

I've been doing this weird thing lately.
I put my phone on silent, put it in a drawer and walk away from it for the rest of the day. I know, weird. Even weirder:
I love the disconnected feeling. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and I love talking to them and texting... I just need a rest sometimes. It's almost like I'm addicted. Wrong word... I have a reflex. I tend to use the phone when I'm bored.
By removing it from my life, I had enough time to:
-teach my sister one of the nerdy math songs i learned at CAMS:
"X equals negative B
plus or minus square root
B squared minus Four A C
all over 2 A"
-teach the new dog how to fetch my slippers
-rearrange my bookcase and finish my book.

My point (and i know this is really random) is that I spend too much time fiddling with my phone. It's a disconnect from the surrounding world. I really enjoy pretending I don't have a phone every once in a while. Some of you may want to try this. I recommend it.